


Some Say We Can't Be In Love

by killajokejosie



Category: Full House (US)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gifts, I'm not entirely sure, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Stuff, Weirdness, lake tahoe or whatever, more things, ooc here and there and sometimes everywhere, set somewhere around the trip to Nevada for wake up San Francisco, things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 19:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8026648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killajokejosie/pseuds/killajokejosie
Summary: Reflections that lead to relationships and broken hearts, and relationships





	Some Say We Can't Be In Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is literal trash, but I'm okay with it. I've already accepted that I am also trash. I've moved on.

I couldn't stand to look myself in the mirror as it all came crashing down on me. Self destructive and stupid, managing to ruin the best relationship I had ever been in.

I closed my eyes tightly, took a deep breath, hoping that when I opened them things would be clearer. Hoping that somehow, some way, I could turn off whatever insanity was going through my damn head. 

I still cannot believe that I caused such a scene. And, over what? Some guy. He might have been a rich actor, but really he would always just be some guy. And, if it made things any better, the reality was that Becky was just some girl. 

It would be hard to say that I didn't love Becky, because I did, or I do, or something in that ballpark, but that certainly isn't the only driving force in my life. Becky, she is the most incredible woman that I have ever met, and I would hate to lose her, but time after time I find myself perpetuating the idea that what we have won't last. She will find someone better. I'll make another mistake. She will move to some far away city to be this incredible news anchor. I will go back to being my normal, womanizing self. Regardless, there is always something that puts the final nail in the coffin. Always something. 

I had to open my eyes. I had to. The images that my brain was providing me for solace were anything but. I ran my fingers through my hair, sighing, wondering where it all went wrong. What deity I had pissed off to wind up like this? 

I shook those thoughts out of my head as quickly as they had came. I didn't need that. My life wasn't so bad. It was great, for the most part. There really wasn't anything missing in my life. At least, nothing that I could think of on the spot. 

Who was I trying to convince, though? That was the real question. The only person who ever wondered if there was more to all of this was me. Just me. Only me. I was the one who was constantly thinking that there was never enough of something. Always wanting more, even if I had to cause a disadvantage for others in order to achieve it. 

I think, in a sense, I was trying to prove to myself that I could be the exact opposite of what I was deep down. My deep, dark reality. The one that I've dealt with in many, many irresponsible ways.

There was a knock on the hotel room door. All I wanted was for it to not be Rebecca. Anyone, absolutely anyone, but her. God himself would have been a better option.

"Jesse? Are you in there?" The voice on the other side asked. It was Danny. 

Somehow, despite what I had hoped, his voice was causing me an obscene mixture of both excitement and despair. But, I wanted to see his face. I appreciated his presence, even now what I couldn't actually see him. He was the father of my nieces. The man who married my late sister, who I still miss so very much. He was the reason that I kept on trying to make it through each day. 

"It isn't locked, in case you were wondering," I called out, hoping that my voice carried.

The door handle twisted and he let himself inside. The look of concern on his face was one that I was used to. It was practically the only expression he was capable of. "I just wanted to make sure that it was okay before I just let myself in,"

I turned to him, finding that I was still unable to smile, even with him in the same room. It was entirely possible that I was depressed. "Danny," And, all I could mange to say was his damn name.

"Are you okay? There has been so much going on, I wanted to check up on you." He said, voice carrying this almost paternal tone that he just never seemed to get rid of. I found it oddly endearing, much like the rest of him.

I tried to read his body language, tried to understand every reason that drove him to be the one to come find me. Not that anyone had to look very hard to do so.

Our eyes locked onto each other's. It was an odd sensation. I felt like his eyes were peering right into my brain, seeing every little image that passed my mind. 

His newest expression did nothing for me. It only seemed to confirm the theory that he was able to read my thoughts. If that was truly the case, he was in for quite the surprise. 

Because, the truth was, no matter how hard I tried, there was something missing from my life. And, that something was standing right in front of me, but in the complete wrong capacity. 

"Jesse?" He said my name. Just my name. It might have seemed strange before, but now it was laced with such emphasis and breath that I nearly thought I was going to fall over. I was dead. I was death. He was the angel come to destroy me.

I swallowed hard, closing my eyes tightly again. For a moment my knees felt weak, surely about to become my demise as I would eventually collapse under my own body weight. I thought that I was past this. I thought I had been able to move on and accept that this was never going to happen the way that I wanted it to. My strange attractions were not going to get the better of me.

"Danny..." His name finally fell from my lips, but that was all. The tone mimicked that of his own when he said mine, only worse. 

"Yes, Jesse?"

"I love you," 

He didn't react. I didn't expect him to. It was a completely normal exchange between the two of us, meaning nothing more to him then it ever had. Although, that was far from what I was feeling. 

"Don't make me say it again,"

He scratched the back of his head, clearly contemplating carefully the real meaning behind those simple little words. All the while I had thoughts that were also alliterations. I could only think in terms of words.

"I won't. I love you, too, Jess." He gave his reply with all of the lukewarm sentiment I wasn't looking for.

"You know, there is something to be said about people just not getting it. You don't think about how much that hurts until it happens to you." 

He cocked his head to the side, trying to read me again. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying..." I paused, taking a deep breath as I ran my eyes up and down his tall, lanky frame. "...I'm saying that I love you,"

"But?"

"There aren't any," I mumbled, unsure if I was lying to him or myself more.

His lips parted, but he didn't speak. I didn't expect him to. I didn't want him to. All that I needed was a confirmation that he was at least starting to get it.

With each passing moment, it seemed as if it was never going to come. And, I could never be sure how long I should have allowed him to ponder the true meaning of what I had told him. There were scenarios where this all went on forever, or ended very, very badly.

There was a buzz of electricity in the air when he finally moved. He bridged the gap between us, taking each step a little quicker than the last. It was a good thing, I hoped.

His hands moved up, both placed on either side of my face before I had a chance to realize exactly what was going on. He caught me in a slow, gentle kiss that deepened with an unbelievable heat as he proved to me that his mouth was just as talented as it looked. His tongue explored the cavern of my mouth, occasionally tangling with mine in the midst of some dance that left my dizzy head full of music and happiness, and quotes about ivory, gold, and rewriting history.

The kiss broke unexpectedly, our foreheads pressed together as our breathing returned to normal. I grabbed a hold of his wrists, thumbs grazing against his veins. His pulse had quickened, his pupils darkened, and he was not making any effort to push away. If it had not been for the terrible day that I had had, I would have sworn that I was dreaming.

"I don't think you have any idea how long I've waited for you to do that," I whispered, chewing on my bottom lip.

He moved one of his hands back, threading his fingers through my hair, yanking my head back to expose my neck. His lips were put to instant good use from there, and he found his way around every spot that made me moan. My knees were weak again, but for a completely different reason.

His arms moved lower, cupping my ass. He was able to lift me up with ease, just enough so that he could place me on the bed. His lips returned to my own, tasting my kiss once more. My head had since moved into another dimension.

"This feels..." He began an incomplete thought.

"Good? Right? Incredible?" I suggested.

He only nodded his response, going back to exactly what he had been doing before he spoke.

The kissing continued until there were fewer articles of clothing on both of our bodies and time had gotten away from us. Things were progressing the way that I wanted them to, at a speed that suited my needs. He allowed it. Every last second of it. 

"UNCLE JESSE! UNCLE JESSE! WE CAN'T FIND...our dad..." Stephanie, my second eldest niece, shouted as she burst into the still unlocked door. She stopped dead in her tracks. She was confused, and even more likely, traumatized.

Danny quickly jumped up off of the bed, probably thankful that he was still wearing most of his clothing. "Well, I'm right here, with your Uncle Jesse," 

D.J entered the room only moments after, and even though it would have been easy to pass everything off, Stephanie would tell her otherwise.

"D.J, Uncle Jesse and dad, they were kissing like Uncle Jesse and Becky kiss," Stephanie explained the second that her older sister looked down at her. 

D.J looked horrified, full of one million and one questions. I didn't blame her. "Wait, what? You must have been seeing things."

Stephanie shook her head. "I swear I wasn't, I wasn't!"

D.J glanced back and forth between her father and I. Clearly, the pieces of the puzzle were falling into place. "Why were you two kissing?"

I looked over at Danny, Danny looked over at me. Both of us were speechless, unable to come up with a reason fast enough to respond to her with. I did not see this ending well, for either of us.

To add insult to injury, Joey took the invitation of the open door as a good reason to walk in with Michelle. Now, all I needed was for Becky to see this and it would have been a real party.

"Joey, dad and Uncle Jesse were kissing," D.J informed him, making sure that everyone who entered was up to speed.

Joey raised his eyebrows. "Oh, really? Are you sure that is what was going on?"

"It is, I saw it!" Stephanie shouted. 

This would have been a good time to wake up from an alleged dream. Unfortunately, it was very much part of my reality. This was how the entire family was going to find out that I was attracted to Danny, and how they were going to find out that he obviously had some attraction to me, as well. 

I waited. There was a bomb set to go off at any minute, and I was still waiting patiently for everything to explode. 

Why was I like this? Why was I getting into one mess after another without trying to learn from my mistakes? Granted, this might not have been a complete mistake, considering that I had enjoyed it more than I ever could have known.

"There was nothing going on. At all. It was just a misunderstanding. Stephanie didn't see anything." I told no one in particular, just wanting to clear the air any way that I could.

"Can you give us a minute? Please?" Danny asked, hoping at least one of them would listen. I did, too, knowing that it was easier to get them out of the room if they left together. 

"I'm staying. I need to know what is going on. D.J, take Michelle." Joey barked, unusual for him. 

The door to the room was finally shut. This time it was locked, as well. I was going to be double checking from now on, no matter what type of room it was. It made so much more sense.

"Care to tell me what is really going on around here?" Joey asked in a semi-hushed tone.

I chuckled. "Isn't that going to be a funny story? What do you think, Danny?"

Danny took a deep breath. "We were kissing. It was enjoyable, too. I happen to think that things would have progressed naturally had there not been an intrusion from my unsupervised daughter."

"Why?"

"Because I told him that I am in love with him," I said very simply, showing as little emotion as possible, saying it out loud to another person made it seem so much more dirty. 

"You...You...You? You are in love, in love with Danny?!" 

I nodded. I was completely ready to continue the conversation. I was willing to answer questions, explain how such a thing could happen, make sure that he was not going to run off and tell anyone else, Becky, what was going on. It was going to work out perfectly. 

But then I couldn't. And, then everything had gone dark. I had blacked out, or I was dying, and their was a possibility that it was both.

***

I woke up with an envelope beside me. I quickly opened it, finding out that it was a letter from Danny.

_Dear Jesse,_

_All these years and I had absolutely no idea that you felt that way about me. I almost couldn't believe it._

_Yet, it makes so much sense. Two people who spend as much time together as we do were bound_

_to fall in love, when the right mix of emotions is there. Falling in love with someone like you is easy,_

_it was you falling in love with me that had to be hard._

 

_The reality is, we cannot pursue this. The circumstances with the family make it much too difficult._

_It would be incredibly hard for the girls to understand. And, well, everyone else. I almost feel like_

_it would appear to be in poor taste considering that I was married to your sister. Perhaps, that was_

_really why we already had such a deep connection? Because you are so much like her. You must have_

_shared a soul._

 

_When you read this, I won't be beside you, despite wanting nothing more than to be there. It was just too_

_hard for me to even think about how you were going to react to what I had to say. I only hope that you_

_can forgive me and continue our current relationship as family and as friends. It is for the best. That much_

_I know. So, try to think of me kindly as I do everything in my power to not break your heart._

 

_The truth is that I've loved you the way you said it for far longer than I would be willing to tell a single soul._

_It is a secret that I will likely take to my grave, just as you will your own love. When you leave this hotel room_

_you will return to your relationship with Becky, who can give you the love and attention that you truly deserve._

 

_-Danny_

 

 

When I finished reading the letter, I did my best not to allow the tears to fall from my eyes, but they did. I hated this. This was the exact thing that I had been trying to avoid. This was literally all my fault. 

I had been wrong, there was no way that I was not doomed to an eternal depression.

"Dammit," I had far worse things to say, but I kept them bottled up, not willing to share them with anyone else, not even an empty hotel room.

I laid back down, head throbbing from the headache that I gave myself. This was absolutely ridiculous. I couldn't believe that this was happening. And, after everything else that I had been through in the last twenty-four hours, it was really the icing on the cake.

***

A few weeks had passed. I tried to do my best to patch up my relationship with Becky, but it was barely working. And, my other relationships suffered because of it. Worst of all, had definitely been Danny, because just looking at him made me feel like I was dying all over again in the middle of a hotel room where everything was a sickening shade of blue. I had actually avoided the color ever since.

Everything else seemed to be going relatively smoothly. It wasn't awful, anyways. I was doomed to forever be a mess, but at least I was doing it well. I took care of things, worked hard, loved my family, just like I was supposed to.

However, the system that I was running on was broken. I had been short circuiting long before visiting Lake Tahoe, but now I was missing entire pieces.

Truthfully, I could only think of one way to solve my problem. I had to move. 

I slowly began packing my things, a little here and there. I didn't want it to be noticeable enough that questions were asked, but I also did not want it to take forever. An unhappy medium. I even tricked Stephanie and Michelle into placing things into boxes, pretending that it was all designed for storage purposes. 

They were none the wiser, so I never explained it to them. They would find out soon enough.

Once again, I was sitting on my bed, surrounded by blue, waiting for something, anything that might change the way that I felt. Maybe make the more horrid feelings go far away.

There was a knock at the door. I had grown used to his knock. It was familiar. A sound that once brought me a small burst of joy, did nothing for me in that moment as I told him to come into my room, because the door was unlocked. I had no reason to lock it.

He sat at the edge of the bed, looking at me. I imagined my eyes were sort of glossed over, lacking emotion or any bit of brightness in them. 

"We need to talk," He said quietly, but he gained my attention.

"About what?"

"About us,"

"I thought you were pretty clear in that letter you left me,"

"You know, I actually wrote you two letters, I didn't decide until the last minute which one I was going to give you. I thought that one would have been the least complicated, hurt the least amount of people. I was wrong." He sighed. "I hurt you, I know that I did, and in the process of hurting you I realized that I was wrong."

I sat up a little, leaning on my elbow. "Where are you going with this?"

"I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of sleeping alone and doing things alone. I need someone, someone that I love and care about."

"Good luck finding that,"

Danny ran the back of his hand against my cheek, making me aware of the tears that had recently began to escape from my eyes. "I already have, I just need to know if he will still have me?"

I grabbed him and pulled him down into the most passionate kiss my weak body could afford. I'd make up for it when I got my strength and energy back. "Does that answer you well enough?"

"Yeah, just don't know how I'm going to explain this to the girls,"

"Well, I was already packing my things into boxes, could tell them that I am moving into your room, because we are in love, and all love is good," 

Danny initiated the next kiss and it was wonderful. 

"Or, you could come to my room tonight and we could explain figure it out in the morning?" He suggested.

My breath hitched. This was exactly what I wanted. "Sounds like a plan,"


End file.
